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TOWARD REFLECTIVE PRACTICE

Full-circle moment: Recognizing the joy stealer within

by Kathleen T. Heinrich

Sequel to a two-part article on “joy-stealing games,” published in the Second and Third Qtr. 2006 issues of Reflections on Nursing Leadership. To read the earlier article, click here for Part I and here for Part 2.

Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.

— Pema Chödrön

Kathleen Heinrich

While it may be uncomfortable for educators to talk about having their joy stolen on the job, admitting to stealing the joy of others can be downright embarrassing. That’s why I wasn’t sure if nurse educators participating in a workshop on academic incivility would be willing to respond to my free-write assignment: “Think back to a time when you said or did something that left a faculty colleague, administrator or staff person feeling disrespected, devalued or dismissed.”
           
As it turned out, our 25 participants were not only introspective enough to put their answers in writing, they shared them with each other and gave me permission to publish their stories (Clark & Heinrich, 2007).
           
Knowing what it was like to have their own joy stolen on the job, their experiences brought them “full-circle,” and their heartfelt confessions revealed newfound compassion for their fellow joy stealers. In the follow-up discussion, I remind readers of honor society President Daniel Pesut’s 2003 call to action, “Create the future through renewal,” and reframe the above free-write assignment to help initiate reflective practice on the subject.

Setting the stage
To introduce the topic of joy stealing in our workshop, I shared a definition gleaned from a national sample of nurse educators’ stories. Joy stealing refers to those  “experiences with students, colleagues, staff and administrators that rob nurse educators of their zest, clarity, productivity, feelings of worth and desire for more connection” (Heinrich, 2007). During our dialogue about what it was like to have their personal joy stolen, some recollected other incidents in which they were the joy stealers.

One participant recalled: “During my first teaching experience, I had students write papers in OB. I was underwhelmed with some of their efforts. I was inexperienced and ignorant, and I entered the classroom and said, “Well, those papers stunk.” I meant it to come off lightly, not considering that most of them had really spent lots of time and energy on them. It showed up on my evaluations. In the first 30 minutes of this workshop, I came to the difficult realization that I was a joy stealer.”

Other participants also recounted incidents when they stole joy from their students, colleagues or administrators. As I read and re-read their free-writes, the responses divided themselves into three categories.

It’s what I said—Two participants remembered times when their words stole joy. One wrote: “In a meeting, another faculty member had an idea about a new clinical affiliation site and experience for the students. As the coordinator for the program, I said I did not think that it would be a suitable learning experience. I said this without giving the faculty member opportunity to explain the rationale for choosing the site.”

Another educator realized that doomsday predictions stole colleagues’ joy: “I discounted opinions of new faculty members or ideas they had for change by saying such things as ‘Wait until you have been here awhile—you’ll see that it won’t work’ and ‘You’ll get burned out or disillusioned, too. Just give it time.’”

It’s not what I said; it’s how I said it—Some admitted that it was their tone that stole joy: “I direct the MSN program,” wrote one administrator. “I hold meetings once a month—keep staff focused, have committee reports, etc. I have had faculty members who do not attend on a regular basis give the excuse ‘I have other things to do.’ So, at times, I have said this is a mandatory meeting, but have done so in a somewhat degrading manner that is absolutely not appropriate for a director. I do not do this often, but once is too much!”

Another recounted a time when she stole another person’s joy by how she said something: “In discussing a test question with a colleague about an RN—rather than a doctor—giving a diagnosis to a patient, this nurse, who also teaches ethics, said, ‘Oh yeah, we talked about this in ethics, and I told them that sometimes I have done it and it was okay, even though I was putting my license on the line.’ I told her that we can’t tell the students that because they remember that a teacher said it was okay. Although I told her this in private, I could have said it differently.”

It’s what I didn’t say—While some nurse educators or administrators regretted what or how something was said, others regretted what they hadn’t said. One person wrote: “As I listened to a new faculty member congratulate herself on a good semester, I didn’t even say ‘Yes’ or ‘Wonderful!’ Instead, I took the opportunity to go through a checklist of the rest of the responsibilities she had and to ask if she had completed all of them. Joy gone.”

“A part-time faculty member blew into the lab and took over,” another nurse wrote. “She did present a good lecture. I left and went into my office without saying good-bye or making any acknowledgement.”

Another respondent didn’t confess to a specific situation, but instead framed her joy stealing in general terms: “Keeping quiet and not standing up for others when I should.”

In pursuit of personal growth
Daniel Pesut (2004) inaugurated his presidency of Sigma Theta Tau International by calling for renewal of the profession: “To create the future through renewal, each of us must be emotionally and intellectually accountable and responsible for doing the inner psychological work that resolves our own issues and aids in the evolution of our individual consciousness. Renewal with attention to self requires courage and a personal growth agenda. Each of us must confront our shadows, heal old wounds and become self-authorizing and self-transforming” (p. 24).

Pesut doesn’t provide specific how-tos in his call to action, but those phrases—“confront our shadows,” “heal old wounds,” and “become self-authorizing and self-transforming”—are critical steps in accomplishing the personal growth agenda that Pesut embraced in his call to action.  

Confront our shadows
Carl Jung (1971) wrote, “By shadow I mean the ‘negative’ side of the personality, the sum of all those unpleasant qualities we like to hide” (para.103n). When asked how they steal the joy of others, some participants responded like this person: “I know I must have done such, but come up blank in attempting to think of an example. Is this denial? Blocking?”

Denial can take the form of blocking when it comes to a distasteful shadow quality such as joy stealing. Of those who saw themselves as part of the problem, one participant wrote: “Now I have a name for that horrible feeling when I hurt someone. ... I was a ‘joy stealer,’ a name not indicative of who I thought I was.”

Heal old wounds
Projection is another commonly used defense mechanism. As long as we blame others for joy stealing, we don’t have to face the fact that we’ve stolen joy. By confronting the joy stealer within herself, one participant discovered: “I’m less critical and judgmental of those who’ve stolen my joy. I’m more determined not to be a joy stealer. I’m more sympathetic, as I now understand that perhaps there’s a reason why a person responded as he or she did.” This newfound compassion for fellow joy stealers led to insights that healed old wounds.

Become self-authorizing and self-transforming
“Coming full circle.” That’s how one participant described the shift from projecting blame to owning responsibility: “My full-circle moment was recognizing my role as a joy stealer—seeing me as part of the problem.” In other words, self-awareness spawned the desire to change joy-stealing behavior. As one participant recognized, to stop incivility and promote professional behavior, it was first necessary to change herself and become “more responsive in a positive, assertive way.”

Reflective practice opportunity
Participants’ responses helped reshape the free-write assignment I now give nurse educators: “Think back to a time when you’ve gotten the horrible feeling that you’ve hurt the feelings of a student, colleague or administrator. It might be something you said, the way you said it, or something you didn’t say.”
           
As nurse educators begin to address academic incivility by confronting the joy stealer within, they are initiating a personal growth agenda that allows them to confront their shadows, heal old wounds, and become self-authorizing and transforming. This reflective practice has the potential to spark self-renewal that may lead to the renewal of our profession. RNL

Educator, author and speaker Kathleen T. Heinrich, RN, PhD, is principal of K T H Consulting in Guilford, Connecticut. Her book, A Nurses’ Guide to Presenting and Publishing: Dare to Share, will be released in December 2007.

References:
Clark, C., & Heinrich, K.T. (2007, January). Cultivating civility in nursing education: From today’s realities to tomorrow’s possibilities. Pre-conference workshop at Mosby’s Faculty Development Institute, San Diego, CA.

Heinrich, K.T. (2006, Second Quarter). Joy-stealing games. Reflections on Nursing Leadership. Retrieved August 21, 2007.

Heinrich, K.T. (2006, Third Quarter). Joy stealing: How some nurse educators resist these faculty games. Reflections on Nursing Leadership. Retrieved August 21, 2007.

Heinrich, K.T. (2007, January/February). Joy stealing: Ten mean games faculty play and how to stop the gaming. Nurse Educator, 32(1), 1-5.

Jung, C.G. (1971). Collected works. Vol. 7. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Pesut, D. (2004). Creating the future through renewal: 2003-2005 presidential call to action. Reflections on Nursing Leadership, 30(1), 24.